Hah!

[alt_pansy]

Apon a time (once) there was a girl with apple cheeks and an affable (did I use it right?) air who liked ambling around the park and angling for fish, even though she hated eating them, because fish are slimy and gross. She was awfully sweet, and was always generous.

Then her parents died, because that sort of thing happens all the time in fairy stories. So she was all alone.

Awwww.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

'X' marked the spot where they found the man once known as Martin, now as Ivan, howling with xenophobic glee as he drew giant X's on the property of a recent immigrant.

'XERISCAPE!' Ivan screamed maniacally. Don't ask me why he was screaming about desert landscaping. He was mad, mad with a capital X. XMAD.

'XAVADA XEDAVRA!' shouted Simon bravely, which is kind of like the killing curse but easier to aim and not 100% effective, in this fairy tale. 'You should have moved to Xinjiang, you evildoer!'

'I know!' Beatrice cried as the XX curse bounced harmlessly off Ivan's protection shield. 'I know how to defeat him! ACCIO XYLOPHONE!'

[alt_pansy]

'Yes!' yelled Simon. 'Wait, how will a xylophone help?'

'Youthful trauma!' Beatrice replied. 'His mother made him study it for years!'

She banged on the xylophone, and Martivan turned around, eyes blazing. 'Yonks!' he cried out. 'That hateful sound! Why are you torturing me so, my beloved Beatrice!'

'Yikes!' Beatrice yelped. 'I am so not your beloved! I'm married to Simon! And you're mad!'

Martivan burst into tears. 'All I ever wanted was to be loved!' he sobbed, his young face twisted in his grief. 'That and a yeti...'