alt_pansy | Private Message to Sally-Anne

Samantha Montgomery?

Samantha Montgomery.

Honestly.

I know. I've no right to

We're not

Still. That doesn't mean I have to like watching Samantha Montgomery do her best to shove her tongue down his throat.

Ugh.

Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

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From:

alt_sally_anne

If it's any comfort, he looked to me like he wanted to scrape her off his shoe.

From:

alt_pansy

Yes, that does help.

From:

alt_pansy

Did you hear her talking this morning?

Like she

And he

You know, whatever. She's an enormous liar. He'd never just up and do that. He's not that kind of person.

Not that it really ought to matter, because he might fall in love with somebody else who doesn't keep things from him but thinking of him shagging someone else even if it is stupid Samantha who doesn't mean anything to him still hurts. And it hurts more because she doesn't mean anything to him. If that makes sense.

I really do want to slap her.

From:

alt_sally_anne

If you slap her people will gossip about you. Better to hex her from behind so no one knows it was you.

From:

alt_sally_anne

Anyway.

I think she's lying. The people who are actually up to that sort of thing don't brag about it like she does.

From:

alt_pansy

Point.

It would still be incredibly satisfying.

Let's see if we can't make her underthings itchy or something.

From:

alt_sally_anne

I know just the hex for that.

From:

alt_sally_anne

And you will get over him. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that he's flirting with other girls, now, but eventually you won't care, at least not nearly so much. Or you'll wish him well and you'll honestly hope he finds someone who makes him happy, because you'll have found someone who makes you happy. Someone you could share secrets with all along (or, you had to keep secrets from for a while but when you told them the truth they understood why. ~~I mean you really COULDN'T tell Draco, what did he~~ And didn't mind.)

From:

alt_pansy

Yeah. Well. Even though Neville's a brick, he's really not my type.

...I don't think that person exists. At least not right now. Not for me.

Kidding. Sort of. Anyways. I'll be fine.

From:

alt_sally_anne

There's always the Twins.

(Kidding.)

From:

alt_pansy

(sort of?)

From:

alt_sally_anne

Well, do you fancy them?

There's Lee Jordan, too. I don't know. I think the Twins are more fanciable but it's well-established I like gingers.

From:

alt_pansy

Lee's a bit of a closed book, isn't he?

And Fred's sweet on Johnson, although I'm not sure how serious they are. Or how serious either of the twins are about dating anyone, really.

But we were working together on a business project before NEWTs and OWLs and Umbridges sort of took over, and I didn't mind their company. And George isn't seeing anyone at the moment.

So maybe I'm not doomed.

From:

alt_sally_anne

There's the whole Order, too.

Charlie Weasley. Mmm. Like a preview of Ron and the Twins when they're a bit older. And he's funny and I like his hands. He's a bit old for you, though.

From:

alt_pansy

You really do have it bad, don't you? I blame Kiss a Ginger.

From:

alt_sally_anne

I don't know, at this point frankly I'm thinking that maybe we should just plan to be old ladies together and raise kneazels.

From:

alt_pansy

I would like that. Very much.

From:

alt_sally_anne

Ron spent the evening talking to Harry -- and Draco! -- and ignoring me.

I feel like such an idiot for kissing him. Like he must feel about me the way Draco feels about Samantha.

From:

alt_pansy

No!

No.

He doesn't think that way at all. He's just being stupid. Didn't he go for a walk with you the other day? What did he say? Did he want you to go for a walk again?

He stayed with you all night in the infirmary, Sally-Anne. He cares about you.

Maybe

Okay, so it could be a couple of things. Maybe he thinks that the only reason you kissed him is because you were about to die and you didn't really mean it, so he doesn't want to assume anything.

Maybe he doesn't like you that way (which is idiotic of him, but you really can't help that).

Or maybe he's just scared, or being a dumb boy about things, or thought it'd be awkward if he started cozying up to you in front of Daphs or something.

From:

alt_sally_anne

Yeah, Ron went for a walk with me but that doesn't mean anything! he's always gone for walks with me, and you, and all his friends. And that's just it, isn't it? I know he's my friend. I know he cares about me. That doesn't mean he wants to snog me, though, or -- but yeah. If he doesn't like me that way, then he doesn't.

From:

alt_pansy

Yes, it could mean he doesn't want to snog you, but it could also mean he's unsure about how you feel, or what he really does want.

Next time you go walking, maybe you could hold his hand or something? And see what he does?

From:

alt_sally_anne

He did hold hands with me, but --

look it's not as if he doesn't KNOW how I feel, I kissed him and then I wrote him a PM while we were hiding under the cloak.

HE KNOWS. So I sort of feel like it's his turn. And if he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't do anything, it's probably because he doesn't want to and I should just give up, already.

Although, I did try. With Michael. ~~And keeping secrets is just~~

From:

alt_pansy

Well, see, I guess that's what it comes down to. Is it worth it to keep trying?

If you really like him, then it is.

And he's a boy. He might not know it's his turn unless you tell him.

From:

alt_sally_anne

Why are boys so stupid?

I mean REALLY.

From:

alt_pansy

I know, right?

From:

alt_sally_anne

On another topic entirely, how was careers advice? Who'd you ask to come?

I asked for Madam Pomfrey. It was -- interesting, I guess. I told them I'd muffed my Dark Arts practical but that Professor Dolohov had hinted he'd let me in to his class anyway. Madam Pomfrey thinks it's a terrible idea for a future Healer to take NEWT Dark Arts. Professor Slughorn disagreed completely because he said Professor Dolohov had taken an interest in me and his sponsorship and support could get me into programmes that wouldn't ordinarily consider a half-blood.

The main reason for a future Healer to take Dark Arts is to learn about curses and curse damage and undoing curse damage. Madam P pointed out that as unlikely as I was to get into an Apprenticeship programme at all, the curse damage specialty was even LESS likely to let a half-blood in. Professor Slughorn thought that ordinarily that would be the case but if Professor Dolohov wanted me in such a programme an exception might be made, and regardless, I should do whatever I could to stay in his good graces regardless of my future goals.

Madam Pomfrey said that I probably wouldn't get a decent mark on the Dark Arts NEWT either, for precisely the same reason that I muffed the OWL, since the NEWT-level spells are even nastier and I'm not going to want to cast them, nor should I, as a future Healer, violate my ethics in such a manner, and she suggested I ask Professor Dolohov if I could study with him independently, instead of taking the regular Dark Art NEWT class.

I can't say as I'm thrilled with either option. Either taking NEWT Dark Arts or having to be alone in a room with Professor Dolohov every week. But the latter would at least be something that would keep me in his good graces and I wouldn't have to worry about being asked to cruciate a muggle on the exam at the end.

Oh and Slughorn also thought I should have a backup plan. Something else I wouldn't mind doing because even if Dolohov likes me, he thinks Healing is an overly ambitious goal for a 'student in my circumstances' and so I said maybe as a fallback I'd become a nanny because I'm good with children. Of course I don't even need to go on to NEWTs to become a nanny but at least he didn't try to persuade me I ought to just give up now and go do that.

How'd yours go?

From:

alt_sally_anne

The funny thing about Madam P pointing out I wouldn't get into the curse damage specialisation is that of course I'm not really trying to learn about curse damage and how to Heal it because I want to do that specialisation at St Mungo's.

I want to learn about curse damage and how to Heal it because that would be useful to the Order.

From:

alt_pansy

Well, you can always talk to her about that separately.

I think it's funny, but if there's someone who could understand about wanting to be a Healer to help undo curse stuff, it'd be Professor Dolohov. He seems to respect Madame P a lot. He writes her all the time, and he took Cedric to her, didn't he?

So maybe it'd be worth talking to him about. When it comes to what you want to learn and why, and how he could help.

And can you imagine if he wrote a letter of introduction for you? That has to count for something.

I can't believe Slughorn wants you to Nanny. Although

Well, I can see how you'd make good money in a preparatory school, for kids planning on going to Hogwarts. A really nice one, I mean. And if you had a tonne of NEWTS, and the right connections, it'd be a job.

But.

Do you want a job just to have a job?

From:

alt_sally_anne

I'm going to join the Order.

If St Mungo's doesn't let me into a Healing apprenticeship I'll go to their sanctuary and learn from Madam P during holidays.

Admittedly, if I do that, it'll be part time nannying, won't it? Given they've got loads of little kids.

I couldn't very well tell that to Slughorn, though, and I needed to tell him SOMEthing. And 'nanny' is a nice, respectable ambition for a half-blood.

From:

alt_pansy

Mine was...

It was okay, I guess.

People don't really expect much of me, really. I mean, they don't expect me to have to get a job, you know? So it was a bit frustrating.

Slughorn was there, of course, and he was very complimentary about my performance in Potions this past term. And we talked about having a 'well-rounded' education, and a reasonable number of NEWTs to open some doors later. I told him I was thinking of starting a business, and that surprised him a bit.

I asked Professor Acton to be my other person, because I did pretty well in Charms this term, and wanted to see what she'd say about it, and she wasn't terrifically helpful. I mean, we talked about how Charms could be useful depending on the sort of business I wanted to go into, and then she said something about how it'd also help run a household smoothly, which made me gag a bit to think about.

So apparently, I'm meant to be a mum with nothing better to do than go to parties and run a household and you can nanny for me.

From:

alt_sally_anne

Oh for Merlin's sake. Did they have a husband picked out for you too?

You should come with me to the sanctuary and apprentice with Mr Snape and become a Potioneer while I learn to be a Healer. We can still raise kneazles.

From:

alt_pansy

Yes, lets.

Or at the very least schedule another careers advice meeting with Mr Snape and Mrs Longbottom and Madame P to see what sort of good we could actually do.

From:

alt_sally_anne

That is an absolutely brilliant idea. For ALL of us, really. I mean I actually did do something like this with Madam P months ago and it was so, so helpful, but I had a specific idea about what I wanted to do and mostly she just needed to reassure me that I wasn't wasting my time.

Professor Brutka sent me a note saying I'm supposed to come by his office tomorrow. I'll tell him, and see what he says. I wonder if we could have another week, sometime this summer? In between CCF and YPL and all the other stuff.

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Pansy Parkinson

September 2015

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