I needed to test it first. To make sure before I wrote anything.
I will not tell.
I'm sad and scared and very angry and I don't know what I think about anything any more. But I will not tell.
I thought it was important that you all know.
Because you lot thought I would. Tell. But I won't.
I've had an interesting evening. "Guess what, Pansy. Today, you will find out that your two best friends have been lying to you for a year, and you will find out a secret that could get people killed and ruin your friends lives forever if you say anything about it."
So I'll keep my mouth shut. Because I really don't have much of a choice, do I?
I know that I don't sound very happy about it. Because I'm not. But I've made a promise that I plan on keeping.
And I know you probably still don't trust me. But it's not like you have much of a choice either. Sally-Anne says that you wrote secrets down for other people on this thing to see. Sort of like insurance. I don't know what good it will do, but here you go.
I wrote Sirius Black two letters after Regulus died. And he wrote back to me in one of his Grim Truths, his last one before he died, using code. Song lyrics from Muggle bands that both of us knew. Because during Christmas first year I nicked his albums from his room when I was staying with his mum. And lots of them were Muggle. I still have them. And when I wrote him I had some bits from songs written in, and he wrote bits from the same songs.
Is that enough? Knowing about this and not telling will would get me in loads more trouble than a handful of albums and a few letters ever would. But right now I'm really, really tired. So I'm going to try and get some sleep.
I am going to write Sirius Black and ask him whether those things are true. And if they're not I'm going to chase you down and make you pay for it, because if they're not then I'm in the worst trouble of my life anyway, and probably I'd die. And you know I can do it, now, too. You're right we didn't have any choice, and you're right I don't trust you really, at least not yet.
And I was beginning to wonder. It'd certainly be like him, wouldn't it? To just not die like that. Typical.
Do you know
Is Regulus also pretending?
If you want to write Sirius, that's fine by me. I think I'll hold off myself, because I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have told. But it's still good to know.
And the reason I didn't tell is because I'm no murderer. And when I stopped Carrow, it was for the same reason. Because not doing anything back then would have been just as good as killing you. And no matter who my family is, I couldn't do that. Ever.
...This is sort of bizarre.
Um. What should I call you? Hermione? or Granger? I mean... um. which would you... prefer?
I opened my diary to see how angry Pansy was this morning. I wasn't expecting --
The muggles I heard that day thought he was alive, but in a 'he will come again! you'll see!' sort of way, not a 'I'm going to write him and ask!' sort of way.
It seems sort of wrong that you could just write and ask him if he's still alive.
You know?
If he answers back, it could just be like sending owl post to Father Christmas and getting a parchment back from his 'elves' or with his 'signature' that's really just your dad writing 'father Christmas' and taking it to work to send back. And then your mum says, 'Oh, look! It's a Lapland snow owl! I bet Father Christmas keeps a whole load of them to send post to little boys like you!' But it's not true.
We really are sorry. But, look. It's like with Harry. He can't know about this, and Hermione has to keep it dead secret, and sometimes I think that's really hard for her, but he can't know. Even if he'd agree with the things we think. And actually, I don't know he totally would, so that'd be a reason, too. But if he knew, he probably couldn't ever keep it secret from his Father, y'know. And he wouldn't want to keep it secret from Malfoy, and if Malfoy ever found out, it'd be over in a minute. But see, this makes you have to choose between us and them, too. And we didn't know if you could. And I think that's going to make you sad, Pansy. It's hard to do.
That's really nift that he answered you. Especially if he's still alive. I'd love to see the look on Mrs Lestrange's face when she finds that out! Or that Mr Crouch.
You wrote to Sirius Black? You mean personally? Blimey, never occurred to me to do something like that.
It isn't easy to keep secrets from your friends. And it doesn't mean that they're not real friends. But sometimes it's because the secrets are so important or so dangerous that they have to come first.
Call me Terry here, but only if you'll sure you would never ever slip and use that name aloud if you see me in person if anyone else is there to overhear. Especially if it's Master.
Nobody knew that I had a brain at all until I got this lock. Except for Hermione. I suppose it's a shock to find out, but it's also a little reassuring that I managed to fool you so well. Guess that means that I'm convincing enough as stupid crawling boot.
You should also know, I've been Sorted. I'm in Ravenclaw House. Hermione's in Gryffindor.
You do realise that we discussed trying to obliviate you. And the two of us are pretty handy with charms, but we can't say we're expert yet, so we might have swiss-cheesed your brain, despite our best efforts.
But you weren't within arm's reach, so it was moot. Putting you on the lock was the next best choice. We won't forget for awhile that we went with the second-best, so you'd better not make us regret it. When we get back to school, we will still have scope for retaliation if you screw up. Especially if you hurt our Professor.
That's blunt, we know. But that's how it is here on the lock.
It's not like she knew what it was when she tried to find out. Okay. She doesn't want to hurt Hermione or Terry or anyone. And it's not her fault Mr Malfoy's her godfather, but that's a really big reason why she couldn't know about this before.
But it's not her fault. Any more than it's your fault about our parents, y'know? Or Terry's that he's Muggleborn. Or Sally Anne's that she's halfblood and has to live with foster parents and not let anyone know she sometimes sends letters to her own parents cause she still loves them.
I didn't have much of a choice, but I did have one. And I made it. And I made my choice because of what would have happened to you lot if I would have told, not because of what would have happened to me. And by not telling, I've put my own neck out there right next to yours. So you'd better remember that.
Oh, it's not a threat, exactly. More like a promise.
But if you play straight with us and keep the secrets and always remember that Hermione and Terry are just as good as you, then as far as we're concerned you're one of us, and we'll treat you fair. That's a promise, too.
Besides, Ron likes you and he vouches for you, and that certainly counts for something. We may wonder about his taste at some things, but he's not suicidal, usually, when picking friends. We've got friends in Slytherin, too.
I feel guilty for keeping such a huge secret from you for so long AND I feel guilty for burdening you with it now (even though I didn't have a choice, I really didn't) but in spite of everything I keep thinking about how now I can talk to you about ANYTHING in the journals, I won't have to wait for owls anymore or worry about how the owl might get intercepted.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 06:58 am (UTC)I will not tell.
I'm sad and scared and very angry and I don't know what I think about anything any more. But I will not tell.
I thought it was important that you all know.
Because you lot thought I would. Tell. But I won't.
I've had an interesting evening. "Guess what, Pansy. Today, you will find out that your two best friends have been lying to you for a year, and you will find out a secret that could get people killed and ruin your friends lives forever if you say anything about it."
So I'll keep my mouth shut. Because I really don't have much of a choice, do I?
I know that I don't sound very happy about it. Because I'm not. But I've made a promise that I plan on keeping.
And I know you probably still don't trust me. But it's not like you have much of a choice either. Sally-Anne says that you wrote secrets down for other people on this thing to see. Sort of like insurance. I don't know what good it will do, but here you go.
I wrote Sirius Black two letters after Regulus died. And he wrote back to me in one of his Grim Truths, his last one before he died, using code. Song lyrics from Muggle bands that both of us knew. Because during Christmas first year I nicked his albums from his room when I was staying with his mum. And lots of them were Muggle. I still have them. And when I wrote him I had some bits from songs written in, and he wrote bits from the same songs.
Is that enough? Knowing about this and not telling will would get me in loads more trouble than a handful of albums and a few letters ever would. But right now I'm really, really tired. So I'm going to try and get some sleep.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 12:46 pm (UTC)I am going to write Sirius Black and ask him whether those things are true. And if they're not I'm going to chase you down and make you pay for it, because if they're not then I'm in the worst trouble of my life anyway, and probably I'd die. And you know I can do it, now, too. You're right we didn't have any choice, and you're right I don't trust you really, at least not yet.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:14 pm (UTC)WHAT!?
WHAT?!!!
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-07-24 01:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-07-24 02:29 pm (UTC)And I was beginning to wonder. It'd certainly be like him, wouldn't it? To just not die like that. Typical.
Do you know
Is Regulus also pretending?
If you want to write Sirius, that's fine by me. I think I'll hold off myself, because I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have told. But it's still good to know.
And the reason I didn't tell is because I'm no murderer. And when I stopped Carrow, it was for the same reason. Because not doing anything back then would have been just as good as killing you. And no matter who my family is, I couldn't do that. Ever.
...This is sort of bizarre.
Um. What should I call you? Hermione? or Granger? I mean... um. which would you... prefer?
no subject
Date: 2010-07-27 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:33 pm (UTC)I opened my diary to see how angry Pansy was this morning. I wasn't expecting --
The muggles I heard that day thought he was alive, but in a 'he will come again! you'll see!' sort of way, not a 'I'm going to write him and ask!' sort of way.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 03:14 pm (UTC)I dunno
It seems sort of wrong that you could just write and ask him if he's still alive.
You know?
If he answers back, it could just be like sending owl post to Father Christmas and getting a parchment back from his 'elves' or with his 'signature' that's really just your dad writing 'father Christmas' and taking it to work to send back. And then your mum says, 'Oh, look! It's a Lapland snow owl! I bet Father Christmas keeps a whole load of them to send post to little boys like you!' But it's not true.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:56 pm (UTC)And Sally Anne hated not being able to tell. You can read back all the times she worried about it.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:14 pm (UTC)I'm going to read everything.
To see what I've gotten myself into.
(no subject)
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Date: 2010-07-24 03:06 pm (UTC)You and me.
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Date: 2010-07-24 01:57 pm (UTC)And we didn't know if you could.And I think that's going to make you sad, Pansy. It's hard to do.no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:02 pm (UTC)Really?
That's really nift that he answered you. Especially if he's still alive. I'd love to see the look on Mrs Lestrange's face when she finds that out! Or that Mr Crouch.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:20 pm (UTC)You wrote to Sirius Black? You mean personally? Blimey, never occurred to me to do something like that.
It isn't easy to keep secrets from your friends. And it doesn't mean that they're not real friends. But sometimes it's because the secrets are so important or so dangerous that they have to come first.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:29 pm (UTC)You said you'd never tell.
I'm going to take you at your word.
You do know what would happen, especially to me and Hermione if you did.
You have to know that behind this lock, Hermione and me are just the same as everyone else.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:38 pm (UTC)After all this I guess I won't be surprised by anything any more.
I meant what I said back then. And what I said up there too. I'm not a murderer.
As for the rest, I've got a lot to think on. That's fairly obvious. But I'll play by the rules. This is your place. Not mine.
I asked Hermione Granger what she wants to be called, so I'll ask you too. But I'm pretty sure you're sick of being called Boot.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:46 pm (UTC)Nobody knew that I had a brain at all until I got this lock. Except for Hermione. I suppose it's a shock to find out, but it's also a little reassuring that I managed to fool you so well. Guess that means that I'm convincing enough as stupid crawling boot.
You should also know, I've been Sorted. I'm in Ravenclaw House. Hermione's in Gryffindor.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:33 pm (UTC)Welcome to the lock, Parkinson.
You do realise that we discussed trying to obliviate you. And the two of us are pretty handy with charms, but we can't say we're expert yet, so we might have swiss-cheesed your brain, despite our best efforts.
But you weren't within arm's reach, so it was moot. Putting you on the lock was the next best choice. We won't forget for awhile that we went with the second-best, so you'd better not make us regret it. When we get back to school, we will still have scope for retaliation if you screw up. Especially if you hurt our Professor.
That's blunt, we know. But that's how it is here on the lock.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 01:47 pm (UTC)Now give her a break, will you?
It's not like she knew what it was when she tried to find out. Okay. She doesn't want to hurt Hermione or Terry or anyone. And it's not her fault Mr Malfoy's her godfather, but that's a really big reason why she couldn't know about this before.
But it's not her fault. Any more than it's your fault about our parents, y'know? Or Terry's that he's Muggleborn. Or Sally Anne's that she's halfblood and has to live with foster parents and not let anyone know she sometimes sends letters to her own parents cause she still loves them.
Why don't you get that and let Pansy be?
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:01 pm (UTC)But we'll be watching.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:48 pm (UTC)I do not, however, appreciate being threatened.
I didn't have much of a choice, but I did have one. And I made it. And I made my choice because of what would have happened to you lot if I would have told, not because of what would have happened to me. And by not telling, I've put my own neck out there right next to yours. So you'd better remember that.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:53 pm (UTC)But if you play straight with us and keep the secrets and always remember that Hermione and Terry are just as good as you, then as far as we're concerned you're one of us, and we'll treat you fair. That's a promise, too.
Besides, Ron likes you and he vouches for you, and that certainly counts for something. We may wonder about his taste at some things, but he's not suicidal, usually, when picking friends. We've got friends in Slytherin, too.
no subject
Date: 2010-07-24 02:35 pm (UTC)I feel guilty for keeping such a huge secret from you for so long AND I feel guilty for burdening you with it now (even though I didn't have a choice, I really didn't) but in spite of everything I keep thinking about how now I can talk to you about ANYTHING in the journals, I won't have to wait for owls anymore or worry about how the owl might get intercepted.